The Net review

The Net tries to tell us the age old myth that hot women sit around using the internet all day. We all know this is bullshit, in fact most experts agree women did not actually use the internet at all until 2004 (the year facebook was invented).


The likeliest of scenarios.

The opening sequence of the movie features some guy who blows his head off because he (falsely) finds out he has AIDS. It is pretty unconvincing, and even while trying to watch this somewhat seriously I was laughing a bit at it due to just how bad the acting was. Soon we’re introduced to Angela’s mother who has alzheimers and can’t remember who she is–this really isn’t so relevant to the story.

The movie is successful in introducing the concept of identity theft, which at the time wasn’t quite as widespread as it is today. It is a very real problem that the film is somewhat effective in getting across, however there are so many extra characters, floppy disks and bullshit that it is just confusing, Angela (Sandra Bullock) has no constant sidekick, everyone has alzheimers, died in a plane crash or is professionally murdered while they are in a hospital bed, as she doesn’t socialize it is represented that absolutely no one can remember who she is or what her name is, which is somewhat unimaginable. It’s as if there is absolutely no hope or chance of her surviving the situation yet somehow she does, the film is actually kind of dubious in this regard–miraculously there is no paper documentation at all stored anywhere and there is no one that recognizes her.

She also screws the bad guy which is kind of awkward; I suppose it is usually the other way around in this kind of movie.

Probably the most unbelievable scene in the movie is when Angela is using her laptop on the beach and the bad guy (Jack Devlin) starts trying to hit on her. This is 1995. Not only were hot women absolutely not hackers, they also did not sit around in bikinis at the beach playing around on their laptops.


“You must have really great bandwidth”

In fact to see someone using a laptop on the beach in 1995 would be so out of place, to have it be a someone in a bikini absolutely pushes it off the believable scale… The only medium such an unseemly and farfetched situation would be appropriate would be in a porn movie. Even the quote “That’s a nice piece of hardware, I assume you’re in the business” could be misconstrued as some kind of porn industry related banter, however it is said while this shot is on screen:

Now I’m not saying that a woman can’t use a computer or play Wolfenstein, I’m just saying that it really isn’t believable in this situation and in truth it doesn’t really add anything to the story, it just takes away from it.

One thing this movie has too much of is loading screens–there are only so many times you’ve started copying a file and the bad guy is coming after you. It’s kind of redundant in this day and age even though all movies relating to computers or computer crime still manage to fit in a few adrenaline fueled loading screens here and there..




This movie did not have enough loading screens.

That’s basically what your typical good guy/bad guy thriller movie somehow related to technology is about: Files. They have the files and the need to copy them and recover the data from broken floppy disks or send them to people. In this day and age we have something called email so congratulations for being redundant.

The whole film really feels like it was meant for a TV movie, the script just isn’t as developed as it should’ve been; I’m also pretty sure this is the 800th movie I have seen where the bad guys are called Praetorians.
The film hasn’t aged well at all, the computer sequences are somewhat laughable and make no sense at all, in this day and age I think Angela would’ve just updated her twitter and said “OMG guys my identities have been stolen” and she wouldn’t have had any problem. In general the script could’ve had a bit of polishing and the movie could’ve done with a bit more work overall. Later on, this movie was actually remade as a straight-to-video movie, it fared even worse than the original and scored a paltry 4.8 on iMDB (because iMDB is the final say on what movies are shit and what movies are good)

I rate this film:

5/10

Links:
IMDb: The Net

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